On bad days....

Emily: Since when does poetry writing turn into a dick measuring contest?
Adie: Yeah, shouldn't it be emo swoop?

On Birthday Presents...

Katie: A Darth Vader bread imprinting toaster!
Megan: I believe that may be the greatest thing ever said in this apartment!

On needing to use words...

You should wear a sign that says 'I hate Furtive glances!'

~Emily~

On laughing out loud...

I just need to take a moment to LOL.

~Katie

On curses...

What the beads?

~Megan~

On things backwards...

Sparta is this!

On being tired...

Megan: Katie, don't arsk.
Adie: What? Are you British.

On stupid Questions...

Adie: I dislocated my shoulder last night.
Megan: Why?
Adie: I don't know, I didn't have enough pain in my life.

On happy trees...

Katie: William Shatner is 80? How can he be 80? Does that man never age? It's like Bob Ross's trees! I just don't understand.
Megan: How do you not understand Bob Ross's happy trees?
Katie: It's like three swipes of a paint brush and there's a freakin' mountain! I just don't understand and I never will.

On slow lorises...

"It's a WOMBAT RACCOON PANDA!"
-Emily

On hipsterdom and literary devices...

Katie: Hipsters ride fixie bikes ironically.

Megan: My bike rusted into a fixie bike. How's that for IRON-Y!

On deafness...

*Katie sings to Ros, and Ros signs this to Sawyer*

"You're a bad singer. I don't have to be able to hear to know that."
-Sawyer

On snobby...sophisticated drinks...

Ben: My friend told me to taste his port. I tried it. I was like hmm, yes. Then the after taste hit and I was like hmm, no.

On compatibility...

You're like the same person...with different genitalia.

~Megan~

On mishearing...

Ros: Oh you finally taped your boots!
Megan: ...what? I heard, 'finally taped your boobs...'

On cheating...

Yeah, but he's cute, and has a penis.

On time spent alone...

I was having a secret rendezvous in the library with my lover thesis statement.

~Emily~

On lunchtime table talk...

Megan: I have the immune system of a...
Adie: I feel like that metaphor hasn't been explored.
Megan: What has a good immune system?
Adie: You should google 'species with the best immune system.'
Megan: Elves!
Adie: Yes.
Megan *reading from Google* "Sharks have the best immune system able to resist disease, even Cancer."
Adie: There ya go.
Lindsay: Chuck Norris.
Adie: So your options are sharks, elves and Chuck Norris.

On made for tv movies...

Megan: Yeah, and he played Zuckerman.
Katie: You mean Zuckerberg.
Megan: Zuckerwhatever.

On relationships...

Adie: Eddie Izzard says that he's a male lesbian so that means that Megan's a female gay man.
Orion: ...What?

On fat people...

I will stab you...eventually!

~Adie~

On penis envy...

You lost me at balls.

~Megan~

On apartments...

Megan: Emily's just so popular.
Adie: Yeah, I texted Megan and was all like, I haz your Emily in our apartment.
Megan: Yeah, we were going to fight over you.
Emily: I can be everyone's Emily.
Adie: I don't think we should do the whole multiple personalities thing.
Emily: I just thought that would be fun.

On Megan's standard time...

Do you know that it's still like two and a half hours till pizza?

~Megan~

On really liking something...

It was so good that I'm going to like it on Facebook!

~Katie~

On boys being flakes...

Katie: Rusty. Grapefruit. Spoon.
Megan and Emily: Do you have one?
Katie: I have a grapefruit spoon dealer.